💌 GROW.BIRTH.MOTHER. Files
Issue #6: Going With The 'FLOW'
I could literally answer this question in one sentence.
It doesn't work.
Okay, okay, very rarely it will be a 🎉 success, going with the flow. But dare I say it, the majority of women who say they will go with the flow, it DOES NOT work.
Before we go any further though, what does going with the flow even mean?
I 🤔 wonder do we all have differing thoughts on what 'flow' even means?
I've had women say to me over the years,
"I will go with the 'flow' and I'll be guided by you, the professionals",
"I will go with the flow, it's out of my control",
"I will go with the flow, you can't plan a birth right?"
"I'll go with the flow, my body knows what to do"
"I'll go with the flow, what happens, happens.
I feel all of these "go with the flow" are very different in meaning but I feel what it breaks down to, is a lack of knowing.
🤷🏼♀️ A lack of knowing how physiological birth works.
🤷🏼♀️ A lack of knowing how the maternity system works and functions.
🤷🏼♀️ And maybe this lack of knowing is a lack of not wanting to know.
🤔 Maybe it's fear.
🤔 Maybe it's avoidance.
🤔 Maybe it's denial.
🤔 Maybe it takes the pressure off to perform.
🤔 Maybe it takes the pressure off to achieve the ultimate birth
(there is a HUGE storyline playing out that you have to birth in a particular way for it to be ultimate, it's BS by the way, but that's another topic).
Stories and visions I 👂 hear and 👀 see when it comes to talking/displaying birth are 🤯 mind blowing! I can understand the fear and the denial. Watermelons 🍉 coming out, women screaming 😱 as if they are dying and the emergency 😤 everything is an emergency 🙄 and the story line the professionals know better......such a lie!
I 💭 think what also plays a role , is women 👂 hearing the stories that our bodies are made to birth. (Which they are!) But that is only part of the story. Our current maternity system/hospital is not the greatest environment to let our bodies & babies flow and do what they need to do to birth.
Women have also heard the stories that birth plans don't work and that you can't plan birth.
So why bother?
Yes true, but what making a birth plan brings is education, knowing, awareness, choices, accountability, and it shows the maternity system that you are not going with the flow....their flow.
The other story line I 👂 hear is 'I want a normal birth but I don't want to set my 💓 heart on a normal/natural birth, I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen so I'm not going to set my aim to high.'
I always feel 😔 disappointed and a little heart broken 💔 when I 👂hear women talk this story line. Part of me is thinking 🙅♀️ "NNNOOO"! Don't hand your birth over. Take it and make it yours because it is yours. If you don't take control of it someone else will take control and that someone else is not you and no one knows you as well as you know yourself. I try my best to bring ✨ awareness to women when they share stories like this, but sometimes I am 👂 hearing this in the birth space or weeks before birth. There is SO MUCH unpacking and learning to do. AAAAHHHH, it's as if I can 👀 see how the 🃏 cards are going to unfold....cascade of interventions.....maybe/more than likely birth trauma 😭
I work with more women who have had babies before then I do with first time mums. A very common thread 🧵 I hear is "if I only knew what I know now" and "I would have never gone with the flow". We can learn a LOT from these women. And I bet any midwife/doula/birthworker reading this, is nodding their head because this story line is COMMON!
My thoughts on going with the 'flow'. Don't go in 🙈 blind. Awareness is 🔥 power and puts the 🔥 power in you.
And my final thoughts are..... Who's flow are you going with?
This is an assumption that your health care provider is on the same page as you as with what 'flow' means.
I bet it doesn't align!
Love Kate 💚